Letting Go

If I was to say in my wife’s presence that I have trouble letting go, she would tell you that is a huge understatement. I don’t mean to say that I am a control freak; I’m saying I have trouble letting God be God and take what comes from His hand without stressing out or complaining. Our current life situation has made me think about this again as things have not gone as we had planned for the summer. (That too is an understatement.) Then my Bible reading program led me to Psalm 131 this morning:

¹ O Yahweh, my heart is not haughty nor my eyes arrogant.

And I do not concern myself with things too great and difficult for me.

² Rather I have soothed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother,

like the weaned child is my soul with me.

 

I cannot honestly repeat the first couple lines as my own, especially the part about not concerning myself with things. I am often concerned with way too many things. And my inability to speak the second verse honestly is what really struck me this morning. Rather than soothing my soul lately, I have been obsessing over things I cannot change. David’s analogy hit me: “Like a weaned child is my soul within me.” The Faithlife Study Bible says of this verse: “The psalmist uses a description that describes increasing maturity; the child no longer needs the mother’s milk and shows maturity in its ability to wait.” The ability to wait is what escapes me. It is humbling to realize that at my age I still lack maturity.

For several months my daily prayer has been from Colossians 3:12: “Lord help me to be compassionate and humble and to be kind, gentle and patient with others.” I think what I need most right now is to be patient with myself. That weaned child maturity that I am lacking should cause me to rest in God’s care: let go and let God. I certainly have reason to trust Him. A couple other Psalms from today’s reading reminded me of this. “And to me, how precious are your thoughts, O God; how vast is their sum.” (139:17) And another: “The Lord is righteous in everything he does; he is filled with kindness.” (145:17) The word “kindness” is often translated mercy or love; it is the Hebrew word that signifies God’s covenant love for His people. His precious, loving thoughts for me should cause me to relax, or as another psalm says, “Be still and know that I am God.” (46:10)

The fact that I cannot seem to be still reveals my subconscious belief that God is not “righteous in everything He does.” To be righteous means to do the right thing. Surely, I am not doubting that what God does is always the right thing. Or am I? Some time ago I wrote that the often-quoted phrase in Romans 8:28, “all things work together for good,” does not mean everything that happens to me will seem good at the time. The good to which the verse refers to is God’s good plan for His creation which includes me as a tiny part of the larger whole. The Bible is full of examples of not-good things happening to people that ultimately had good results. Joseph a slave in Egypt, David hiding in a cave, Paul imprisoned in Rome, these things were not happy times for the participants, but they resulted in the accomplishment of God’s good plan.

In Psalm 139, David invites God to search his heart to see, “if there be any hurtful way in me.” (139:24 NASV) In my case, I am hurting myself needlessly by failing to trust God’s goodness to me. I know I am not alone in this kind of thinking. David said, “For the enemy has pursued my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground. He has made me dwell in dark places like those long dead. And so, my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is desolate.” (143:3-4) He may have been thinking about King Saul’s pursuit, but I’m quite sure that David knew the real enemy was not Saul but Satan. Notice it was his spirit and heart that was affected. Yet somehow David managed to overcome the enemy’s pursuit of his soul.

Peter reminds us that the enemy of our souls prowls around looking for someone to devour. (1Pet. 5:8) Jesus said the evil one comes to kill, steal, and destroy. (Jn. 10:10) In my case he is killing my joy, stealing my peace, and destroying my faith in God’s goodness. I need to find that place that David found when he wrote, “Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul. Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies; I take refuge in You.” (143:7-9) As James said: “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (4:7) I need to resist and take refuge. I need to let go. Can you feel me?