2 Samuel 21

Once upon a time there was a king named Barak of Bamah. It came to pass after some years of king’s reign that famine struck the districts of Walstret so that they did not produce their annual yield and the commerce of the land began to wither and men could not find gainful employment. The king consulted his wise counselors, Valrie of Jaret, William of Ayres and Axel of Rod seeking to know what should be done to bring prosperity to his kingdom. They advised a sacrifice of three men to their god, Almighty Marx.

So the king went to de Troit and chose three men of renown and slew them and took their lands and properties and gave them to the Almighty Marx. Unfortunately, the gods still did not smile on the king. Commerce continued to wither and more and more men were without jobs to feed their families. The king and his paeans cried out to the one man in one hundred who had more than enough and demanded that he give all he had to feed the poor, but still there was not enough.

In desperation the king went to his enemies and borrowed huge sums from them after promising to beat all the swords in his realm into salad forks. However, the borrowed money was not enough to feed the hungry, and the tribute demanded by the enemies further weakened the commerce of the land. Disappointed that the counsel of his wise men did not bring prosperity, the king traveled often to the islands of the fiery mountain and cast the dimpled ball to know what to do. Even though the dimpled ball was struck with the king’s scepter many times, the king was none the wiser.

Meanwhile a plain woman who cared had taken the bodies of the men of de Troit whom the king had slain and threw her red cloak over them to shield the bodies. Eventually more and more people of the realm came to appreciate what the woman was doing and they began wearing red cloaks to show solidarity with her. The king tried to woo the people with offers of free health care and free schooling and free ice cream, but the doctors all refused to give free care and the teachers demanded pay for their schooling and the ice cream melted before it could be delivered.

After six years of his ruinous reign, the people finally stood up to King Barak and said they wanted to hear no more of his disastrous proclamations. The king responded by making even more outlandish proclamations, opening the jails, opening the borders and opening his own cloak factory to make blue cloaks for his people. Unfortunately, since all the textile works in the realm had closed due to the king’s policies, he was forced to have the cloaks woven by his enemies. They tricked him into using a special material they said was invisible to all but the smartest people. Soon all the smart people in the land were wearing the invisible blue cloaks.

The king was so confident that the smart people outnumbered the people in red cloaks, he ordered a census, declaring that the land would be ruled by the group which turned in the largest number of cloaks. A dispute arose concerning which color made the highest pile, the smart people insisting their blue cloaks far outreached the red cloaks. A child who was tired of hearing all the adults arguing suggested they weigh the two piles of cloaks to see which was heavier. This suggestion pleased all the people.

The red cloaks were placed on the right side of the balance and it settled to the ground under the ponderous weight. The smart people began to pile their cloaks on the left side of the balance, but regardless of how many they threw on the scale, the right side never moved. The king and all the smart people were so distraught they turned pale as the dead, so they all put on rouge to look more alive. Soon the king was forced to relinquish his crown, and he and all the smart people moved to France because everyone knows that the colors of France are bleu, blanc et rouge.