An Open Letter to My Children

The full title of this post is really "An Open Letter to My Children and Anyone Else Who Wants to Hear Clair Blather About the Joys and Disappointments of Parenting". Many years ago when we still had three children living in our home, I lived under the delusion that I was a pretty good parent. It wasn't until the three little birdies left the nest and started families of their own that I began to doubt my self assessment.

Each one of my dear ones has made it clear on separate occasions that they would not have been in unreserved agreement with my measure of my parental perfection. Likewise, each has exhibited some behavior which would cause any concerned parent to have some degree of disappointment. Please do not misunderstand, my children (or you listeners-in); I am still proud to call myself your father, and nothing you have done or can do will diminish my unconditional love for you.

And there it is: the major flaw in my parenting which has been pointed out by you and, at times, by your dear mother. I cannot seem to craft a compliment or statement of praise without inserting a "but" in it. You must hear echoes in the halls of your memory of me saying, "You did a good job! But..." Each of you has received deserved praise from respectable sources throughout your lives. Yet I wonder if I ever said how proud of you I am without sticking my "but" in it.

Perhaps each of you has reason to "hate" me. (I am using the 21st century, Gen-Y version of "hate," not the Bible version or the Webster version.) I know if my father was as you perceive me to be, I would "hate" him. I look back on the situations when I behaved really badly and cringe. I have said and done some really dumb things. And while it may be true that there is no excuse for stupid, there is a difference between stupid-mean and stupid-thoughtless. If I had only thought better...

So now that you are all parents yourselves, I want to encourage you to break the mold (if in fact there is a mold). Let your children know how great they are. Sure, you will correct them at times. But there must be more times when you simply praise them. If as parents we are to model God's love, it is imperative that we remember what manner of love we enjoy, "That while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." When Jesus went to the cross, it was the Father saying,"I love you this much." And there are no "buts" about that.