Can’t Fix This

My wife shared a devotional with me yesterday that hit me right where I live. It would have been fitting at any time in my life, but it is especially meaningful these days. One of the core characteristics of my personality is the need to fix things. This applies to everything: people, objects and situations. I remember as far back as my high school dating days, my girlfriend, now wife, would be upset over something, even to the point of tears sometimes, and I would ask what was wrong. She would usually say, “Nothing.” I would press, trying to find a way to help. I still remember her frequent response: “Stop trying to fix me.”

Then there is every car I have ever owned (over two hundred and counting) and every house we ever lived in (fifteen) that I wasn’t satisfied with on some level. There was always something I wanted to do to customize, improve, repair or remodel on every one. Ironically, I often failed to put my fixes on until just before we sold the item. We might drive a car for years with a sticky door latch, say, and then when I put it up for sale, I would fix the thing to make it more appealing. I mention that to say this: the desire to fix it percolated in my mind, but the motivation or opportunity to actually do something didn’t rise to the level of immediacy.

I have also fretted over the situations that surround me as well. Political, social, relational conditions that didn’t measure up to my wishes plagued my thinking with a desire to do something that seldom rose to the level of action. Things were never quite right at home, at work or in the state house or Washington. Somewhere about mid-life I began to hear the words of the Apostle Paul, “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” I wanted that, but like every other thing I wanted to fix, I couldn’t seem to fix my longings to fix things.

Now that devotional my wife shared: “Problems are a part of life. They are inescapable, woven into the very fabric of this fallen world. You tend to go into problem-solving mode all too readily, acting as if you have the capacity to fix everything. This is a habitual response so automatic that it bypasses your conscious thinking. Not only does this habit frustrate you, it also distances you from Me.

“Do not let fixing things be your top priority. You are ever so limited in your capacity to correct all that is wrong in the world around you. Don’t weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own. Instead, make your relationship with me your primary concern. Talk with Me about whatever is on your mind, seeking My perspective on the situation. Rather than trying to fix everything that comes to your attention, ask Me to show you what is truly important. Remember that you are en route to heaven and let your problems fade in the Light of eternity.” (Jesus Calling: November 30)

I can’t begin to tell you how deeply those words spoke to me. As I said at the open, they would have been appropriate at any time in my life, but now they hit me like a ton of bricks. If you have read my blogs lately, you know that I have been trying to fathom what is going on with the whole corona virus “pandemic.” The rampant fraud being alleged across the nation in the Presidential election has also caught my attention (understatement!) As I write this, we are living full-time in an RV we bought to be an occasional summer camper, not a daily live-aboard, so something bigger is necessary. A bigger trailer will mean a bigger truck to pull it with. Our financial situation is pressured as we wait for the sale of our house to be completed, and we stretch dollars to pay off the credit accounts we built up (mostly) from rehabbing the house (Mr. Fixit again).

I have never needed Heaven’s perspective more than I do now. I’m not afraid of death – far from it. I say with Paul, “for we live by faith, not by sight -- so we are confident and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.” That takes care of the COVID 19 scare. If you read my articles on the election, you know the political mayhem saddens me, but I know the One who is in control. As far as needing a bigger living space and something to pull it around which ties to the financial needs, God has always provided what we need to get by. If it is His will that we stay on the road, I believe there will be a way to afford larger quarters.

That takes care of the material/psychological things. The really important things have never been in doubt. The one thing I don’t feel the need to fix – couldn’t fix if I wanted – is my eternal destiny. Jesus bought my golden ticket on the cross; I know where I’m going. What I need most right now is to learn what Paul learned: “to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” I am getting better at that. Now, about those custom touches to my truck….