“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” So says the popular children’s rhyme. I think everybody understands that the little ditty is an ego defense mechanism; words can hurt – a lot! The best defense is not to pretend there’s no damage from hurtful words. Nor is retaliation the correct response. As Jesus’ followers trying to become more like Him, we can find examples in Scripture to guide us to a proper attitude.
One good example of how to react is found in 2 Samuel 16. When
David’s son, Absalom tried to steal his father’s throne, David fled Jerusalem
in fear of his life. A member of the tribe of former King Saul, Shimei, cast
insults and literal stones at the fleeing king David. David’s friends
wanted to thrash him. David said to let him be. Then when David returned as
king after Absalom’s death, Shimei
admitted his sin. David forgave him and allowed him to live peacefully in
Jerusalem. (Later, Shimei
did get his comeuppance in God’s time.)
When a certain town spoke ill of Jesus’ ministry, His
disciples wanted to call down fire from Heaven. Jesus
rebuked their violent intentions. He basically told them to let it be.
Jesus knew there was much more vicious disrespect coming His way. His personal response
to being rejected was to offer forgiveness to the very people who had sent Him
to the cross. He predicted that the same kind of treatment would beset His
followers, and He recommended that they follow His example.
Jesus said we earn God’s blessing when men persecute us for doing what is right.
If we hunger for revenge, we are reminded
by Paul (quoting Moses) that vengeance belongs to the Lord.
Sometimes, those closest to us are the source of words that
hurt. Parents’ words can cause life-long damage if they are not dealt with
properly. I was the source of hurtful words when I made some ill-advised
remarks to my son many years ago, and although I have regretted them and
apologized to him, he still bears the pain of my words. I wrote some things of
a political nature in my blog several years ago, and my daughter, who has a
different view of things, took offense. Words from those we love can hurt worse
than sticks and stones.
I have been the recipient of hurtful words. I had a
prolonged debate with a friend about the Scriptural prohibition of homosexual
behavior. (See “Clobber
the Argument”) My brother in Christ read the same passages and suggested an
interpretation that is diametrically opposed to mine. He went so far as to say
I am doing the Devil’s work by denouncing homosexual behavior. One of us must
be right and the other wrong. What do we do? Take it to the church, you say. Done.
He has thousands of moderns who favor his interpretation, and I have millions
from throughout church history who favor mine.
I could be hurt by my friend’s words, but I am not. I am
quite certain that I am right, and he is wrong. I must ask myself if it is arrogant
of me to say I have the mind of Christ on this. My friend would say it is. I
wrote once about the difficulty of distinguishing arrogance from
confidence. They can look identical on the surface. The Bible tells us that our
faith gives us confidence; it also says we are to speak
the truth in love. Sometimes it is difficult to see how to speak the truth
without hurting someone. I don’t think keeping silent is the right approach if
the truth needs to be spoken, but when and how to speak are not always easy to
discern.
So, what is the end of the matter? If you are the hurt
party, follow Jesus’ lead and let the words fall like water off a duck’s back.
Let God take care of any necessary consequences like He did with Shimei. If
your words have hurt someone else, first be certain that they needed to be
said, and if not, apologize. If they were necessary, confirm that they were
spoken in love and not for some selfish motive. It would be well to remember
Peter’s words of advice to us when hurtful words are spoken on account of
our righteous deeds. Give the “offended” party the reason for your words but do
it with courtesy and respect demonstrating a clear conscience, so that if there
is any shame, it will fall on them not you.
Living like Jesus is no easy thing. When it gets really
hard, we must remember that Jesus, the only perfect human, faced the same
difficulties. His task was a bit easier since He
knew what was in the mind of His detractors, and He had a perfect grasp of
His Father’s will. But Paul
said if we remain in the Spirit – the Holy Spirit who Jesus promised would
come to our aid – we can have the mind of Christ. The words that are meant to
hurt us will be neutralized. Any hurt caused by our words will be among those things
that work together as God’s good will for those who love Him. Whether my
words hurt or help, if I am faithful to line them up with God’s Word, His
promise in Isaiah prevails: His Word will accomplish His purpose. As for
sticks and stones and broken bones and words meant to hurt you: listen
thoughtfully; speak truthfully.
Related Posts: When
Being Right is Wrong; The
Importance of Being Right; Creating
Chaos
